Why Suicide?

November 8, 2018.

Around 6am.

A young girl, aged 17 tried crossing the railway but she froze. She saw the light from the train. She heard the noise of that incoming train, yet she just stood there.

There were rumors about her mother passed away last 2017 and her grandmother passed away recently. Which is why her father came home from overseas. Her father asked her not to go to school and just spend the day with him, she refused. Rode a tricycle, paid their fare, and walk on… Thing is, she has her earphones on her, probably plays a little loud, did not realize that it will cause her her life.

Some said that it seemed as if she already thought about killing herself this day. I really don’t know. I tried checking her Instagram account but only has limited access. Rumors also surfaced that her deadline was until November 11, 2018.  Guess we never have to wait for that day.

I have been depressed before. I have thought of killing myself, not once. But all throughout those darkest moments, God intervened. He made me see what the repercussions will be, how it will greatly affect my kids, especially my daughter who has ADHD. How it will put a load of financial burden on my family.

I know how it feels to be alone and blame yourself. I know that killing yourself is the easiest way to escape the pain and all the tragedies that befall you. But how about the people you left behind? Those who will take care of the people you left? Your kids? Your parents? The people who have looked up to you? The betrayal that they will feel because of what you did will be too heavy for them. Then you have only passed on the pain and misery.

To those who are in emotional crisis and in need of immediate assistance, please contact the one of these:

24/7 HOPELINE at:

(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)

700 Club Asia

Please choose below the nature of your requests.  Their prayer team is eager to receive them and pray with you.

Metro Manila:                810-7717 or 810-7176
Toll-Free:                         1-800-1-888-8700 (outside Metro Manila)
Hong Kong:                     (852) 3114-5753
USA and Canada:          1-626-789-0435

In the Philippines, you may send a text message at these numbers:

Smart                                +63-920-222-8373

Globe                                +63-917-406-5001

Sun                                    +63-932-449-2499

[soulprojekt]

Smart        +63-919-845-8295

Globe         +63-917-358-4832

 

Suicide is never the answer. There are people who are willing to help, just let them know.

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Jesus At The Center

It’s rare that I write 2 succeeding blogs in 1 day, let alone 1 month. But after writing what I wrote earlier lambasting and ranting about age and leadership, I have now calmed down. Plus a shot of Korean wine and coffee helped. Not sure how but it gave me headache.

Seriously though, I led the Praise and Worship earlier today, January 28, 2018, and our last song was, guess it… Yes, JESUS AT THE CENTER by Israel & New Breed.

I was able to think clearly after 2 large cups of coffee and a shot of alcohol and it made me realized something. Is Jesus at my center?

Part of the song says:

Nothing else matters,

nothing in this world will do.

Jesus You’re the center,

and everything revolves around you.

While writing this blog, I am playing in constant repetition the 2 versions of the song.

Jesus be the center of my life,

Jesus be the center of my life

From beginning to the end

It will always be,

It’s always been You Jesus

I know I’ve made a mistake of taking things and turn it into one big mess but, I guess the good thing about it is, me – questioning my own faith and where it’s foundation is laid. I started checking my heart and praying to God to correct my feelings. I asked one Pastor to pray for me because, at the end of the day, I know it is my pride that is hurting more than anything. I just hope I am not too late.

From my heart to heavens

Jesus be the center,

It’s all about You,

Yes it’s all about You

I asked God for forgiveness. I asked Him to give me a servant’s heart. I asked God for help.

Jesus, be the center of my everything.

Surviving The Night

Thoughts of suicide creeps in. I had to stop listening to Linkin Park for the night because I am getting scared of the images flashing inside head. Scenes of where I am seated beside our double deck bed, where I am strangled. In between my 2 boys and my wife and daughter. 

No. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I know the negative impact it will have on my family. The trauma it will cause my kids. The blame. The questions that will never be answered.

I also happen to know that heaven will not and will never accept suicides. There are things that I need answers that I can only ask God once I am in heaven.

So I sat, prayed. Surrendered every thoughts running in my head and decided to write it down. I also replaced the songs with worship songs to somehow, remind and enforce to me that God is still in control.

No. It will never happen because I am a child of God. 

chronologies of the fallen

my faith is struggling. that’s the first thing that came to my mind right now. i know it has been during the last 10 years. it has always been up and down, and down. i am not sure what God sees in me that He still, inspite of every stupid things i’ve done, gives me time. time to think of what He’s doing to me, in me and for me. these past few months after my son my was born has been  really rough times. i went from almost nothing to negative. i struggled to go to work and i cannot open up myself to anyone because i have nobody to talk to. my family’s in Samar, my mom’s in Laguna. i have a secretive person and it seems that it’s firing back at me. i don’t have anyone to consider a real friend and it really makes me feel weak. a lot of people sees me as a weird kind of a guy who doesn’t know how to go with others. maybe i am. i really don’t mingle with the crowd for some odd reason and i don’t know why. seems that i have a problem and i don’t know it.

posted: October 21, 2010