Why Suicide?

November 8, 2018.

Around 6am.

A young girl, aged 17 tried crossing the railway but she froze. She saw the light from the train. She heard the noise of that incoming train, yet she just stood there.

There were rumors about her mother passed away last 2017 and her grandmother passed away recently. Which is why her father came home from overseas. Her father asked her not to go to school and just spend the day with him, she refused. Rode a tricycle, paid their fare, and walk on… Thing is, she has her earphones on her, probably plays a little loud, did not realize that it will cause her her life.

Some said that it seemed as if she already thought about killing herself this day. I really don’t know. I tried checking her Instagram account but only has limited access. Rumors also surfaced that her deadline was until November 11, 2018.  Guess we never have to wait for that day.

I have been depressed before. I have thought of killing myself, not once. But all throughout those darkest moments, God intervened. He made me see what the repercussions will be, how it will greatly affect my kids, especially my daughter who has ADHD. How it will put a load of financial burden on my family.

I know how it feels to be alone and blame yourself. I know that killing yourself is the easiest way to escape the pain and all the tragedies that befall you. But how about the people you left behind? Those who will take care of the people you left? Your kids? Your parents? The people who have looked up to you? The betrayal that they will feel because of what you did will be too heavy for them. Then you have only passed on the pain and misery.

To those who are in emotional crisis and in need of immediate assistance, please contact the one of these:

24/7 HOPELINE at:

(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917 558 HOPE (4673)
2919 (toll-free number for all GLOBE and TM subscribers)

700 Club Asia

Please choose below the nature of your requests.  Their prayer team is eager to receive them and pray with you.

Metro Manila:                810-7717 or 810-7176
Toll-Free:                         1-800-1-888-8700 (outside Metro Manila)
Hong Kong:                     (852) 3114-5753
USA and Canada:          1-626-789-0435

In the Philippines, you may send a text message at these numbers:

Smart                                +63-920-222-8373

Globe                                +63-917-406-5001

Sun                                    +63-932-449-2499

[soulprojekt]

Smart        +63-919-845-8295

Globe         +63-917-358-4832

 

Suicide is never the answer. There are people who are willing to help, just let them know.

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Surviving The Night

Thoughts of suicide creeps in. I had to stop listening to Linkin Park for the night because I am getting scared of the images flashing inside head. Scenes of where I am seated beside our double deck bed, where I am strangled. In between my 2 boys and my wife and daughter. 

No. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I know the negative impact it will have on my family. The trauma it will cause my kids. The blame. The questions that will never be answered.

I also happen to know that heaven will not and will never accept suicides. There are things that I need answers that I can only ask God once I am in heaven.

So I sat, prayed. Surrendered every thoughts running in my head and decided to write it down. I also replaced the songs with worship songs to somehow, remind and enforce to me that God is still in control.

No. It will never happen because I am a child of God. 

Help Wanted:

I don’t know what to say. I need roughly Php 30000.00 for my 2 kids’ education. The amount is just for the enrollment. It does not cover the full amount of the tuition fee for the year, and the balance that we still owe one school.

My eldest kid, Kae, has ADHD so she  requires Special Education. It is not cheap. The school that we once inquired to has a tuition fee amounting to almost P130K a year! Thank God we found a school that somehow, Kae learned to read and write. Although she still struggles at times, she was able to learn. But now, her education is currently unsure. We are asked to pay the full balance for last year amounting to P20K which I don’t have.

My 2nd kid, Kas, is an incoming Grade 2 student. Kas and Kae have 2 different schools because we were unable to pay his full balance. He is still struggling with his studies but I know he is a smart boy.

We tried to make both ends meet last year. I was working and the pay isn’t that good. Then, mid-August I quit work to put up my own business which is what we have now. But we’re just starting up. I am not sure how we can pay. All I know as of the moment is God is in control and He can give me the amount we badly needed.

I also know that God will and can use people to fulfill what is needed. I just have to trust His wisdom.

Kae doesn’t want to stay in Samar where my family is right now because of the vacation. Kar wants to stay and study there but I don’t want to. I am praying that God will give us the necessary amount so we can have our kids enrolled this school year. I can’t even start a GoFundMe because I am not in the US or other countries that it exists.

By the way, Kae’s therapy has also been stopped because of lack of fund. Php 12/month is not easy on the pocket.

IF you want to help me with this, my account info (last time I checked, this is still active):

Bank name: METROBANK

Account name: RIESNEL N. GABION

Account number: 355-3-355-63376-5

Or using PayPal.Me link: https://www.paypal.me/GabNarazo