Burned

My youngest son, Zakarias Clarence had an accident today, September 17, 2018. He was with us at the burger store when he wandered around. He usually does it. Walking, running, eating stuff. But this day, I saw him walk towards our neighbor store that offers shakes and some banana cues and other cooked food. I was doing something else when I heard a cookware fell, then screams, then my son crying out loud.

I quickly went to see what happened and I saw Jonathan carrying my son and his foot was covered in cooking oil. Used. Still hot but not the boiling hot.

Then I heard my wife screaming while walking towards us. I told her to shut up and I will check for first aid.

I thought of going home with Zak to check what first aid to use. But I remembered there is a health center for our Barangay. I immediately ran to my motorcycle and sped to the Barangay Health Center with Zak. There were other riders honking on to help me with the traffic. Upon arriving to the health center, first aid was applied. Water and ice.

A few minutes passed by the doctor ordered that Zak be transfered to a hospital so the wounds can be cleaned and treated. We used the Barangay vehicle with sirens. Since I have a motorcycle, I went home, grabbed my IDs, my bag, helmet and headed to the hospital.

I saw my wife and Zak outside the E.R. because Zak is still crying due to the pain. After check up, we bought some medicines and all, headed home and let Zak sleep.

I wll never understand why accidents happen. But my guess is it teaches us. It gives us lessons that we will never learn elsewhere.

Zak is now on the road to recovery. He still cries about the pain and all the effects of this ordeal. But he is making progress.

For assistance, I found this link on the web for 2nd degree burns in children.

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What A Wonderful Life

I remember my Inay, or grandmother, before she passed. I sang her this song, and I couldn’t help but cry. Until now.

Close your eyes
And just hear me sing
One last long goodbye
One last song before you spread your wings

I was so distraught that day that I even cried while at the office. I had to work. But I don’t know why I was there knowing that I really cannot focus and my peers doesn’t seem to care.

There’s so much left to say
And before this moment slips away

I even yelled at my daughter because I cannot think straight. She just wants to eat at McDonald’s which was just in front of us. My wife decided to just take the kids home and let me be. I was so in pain. I couldn’t stop my tears.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

When that week ended, we went to Batangas for the wake. We remembered the good times we had with Inay. We remembered how she scolds us and teaches us and shows us her love.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

On the day of her burial, it was raining. I was one of the people who carried her coffin. Me and my brother. My family was back in the bus, because we don’t have an umbrella with us that day.

And soon you will be gone
But these words, they will live on

After we got her buried, we went home. I felt empty. Now, it will be seven years since she passed. 2011 has passed. I still feel the deep pain. Pain caused by death. It also gave birth to my first tattoo.

All that I am
You let me be
I will remember you
For all that you’ve done
And given to me

Love will remain
This I can see
Now and forever more
Because of you
Now I believe
I believe

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I loved you so

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I’ll miss you so

And though our days come to an end
No, I’ll never love like this again
What a wonderful life
A wonderful life
What a wonderful life
What a wonderful life

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Moving on means we have to continue living despite the pain and hurt and all those things. We move forward with these memories in us. We cherish it. We feel it. What a wonderful life.

Thank you Alter Bridge for this song.

Surviving The Night

Thoughts of suicide creeps in. I had to stop listening to Linkin Park for the night because I am getting scared of the images flashing inside head. Scenes of where I am seated beside our double deck bed, where I am strangled. In between my 2 boys and my wife and daughter. 

No. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I know the negative impact it will have on my family. The trauma it will cause my kids. The blame. The questions that will never be answered.

I also happen to know that heaven will not and will never accept suicides. There are things that I need answers that I can only ask God once I am in heaven.

So I sat, prayed. Surrendered every thoughts running in my head and decided to write it down. I also replaced the songs with worship songs to somehow, remind and enforce to me that God is still in control.

No. It will never happen because I am a child of God. 

My very FIRST TATTOO!

When I was in high school, I thought of having a tattoo. I was curious as to what it will make me feel to have a tattoo. I was told that if I should get a tattoo, it should be meaningful and one that I will never ever regret inking on my body…

My grandfather died 1998, just before the elections. I was told that he died calling me, I am the first apo. Then his 2nd wife died afterwards. Then their eldest son, Tito Dodong died of TB. Then my bestfriend Abraham died of a disease. And forward 2007, my lolo from my father side died and I wasn’t there when he was buried. And 2011, my lola died. My lolo from my mother side and my lola from my father side gave me a big blow. It was both painful on my end. The night Tito Dodong died, I had a vision of a man visiting me when I was beside the pool, resting with my towel covering my head. When I looked up, nobody’s beside me. The following day, I learned of his death. Then came Abe’s death that also shook me. he was my best friend.

Forward to 2012.

I scheduled my session with Champ Tiangson, PhilTAG member, on a Saturday, March 31, 2012. But it was not doable since he will be going to a group retreat. So I decided to have it on March 30, 2012. AFTER I GOT MY BONUS!

So it was set. March 30, 2012… 4:30 pm. I quickly went to their place for the session. I had the printed copy in full color and ate something along the way.

When I got to their place, we were introduced and I was sat down and was told to relax and get comfy. He then readied his things that he will use. Meanwhile, my friend keeps on giving me beer. When Champ started inking, I brazed myself for the pain. But I felt no pain…

Midway through the session, when he reached my shoulder part, where part of the collar bones are, the pain began. I literally almost passed out! I was thinking that if I can divert the pain and all, it will be more easier… but I blacked out. my artist told me not to do that instead, admit the pain.

And the final result? AWESOME! For me, I think I made the right choice and waited for the time to have it inked on my skin.