for my daughter

This is for my daughter.

I would want her to know how I love her and how I will strive not just for her future but for her siblings as well.

My daughter has ADHD. She’s a slow learner. She has difficulty remembering things and lessons and all. But she is good with arts. With colors.

We went to a school nearby to have her assessed. I was expecting a bit but turns out, everything has been a rollercoaster. I didn’t see it coming. Or I refused to see it coming. I forgot that it’s not just the school’s responsibility but mine too as a father, as a parent. My daughter was not accepted because of her situation. She can’t read that good, she doesn’t speak that well.

To whoever reads this, I am asking for help. You can visit this site, MEG project for details. You can send me messages on how to help us out. Please.

 

A PLDT Story

Dear Philippine Long Distance Telephone Co.,

It was a fine January 26, 2016 day, our internet has been disconnected because of delayed payment. I get that. I was wishing I can do something immediately and pay our bill but no, it wasn’t meant to be.

My mother finally was able to gather some two thousand pesos (P2000) and she went to the PLDT Office and paid the necessary amount. The payment was made at 2:41 pm according to the receipt. By 4pm, we still have no internet service. I called PLDT through 171 and guess what, the wait time to get a live rep is 10 minutes. Then I got a hold of a rep who said that the payment has not posted yet. I told her that it was not our problem anymore because a payment has already been made. I requested a manager and before I can speak to a manager, I have waited again for more than 10 minutes. And yes, I already fell asleep while waiting. Plus, my lower back was too painful now because I was already standing for more than 30 minutes when I decided to lie down on our long chair.

Here comes the manager. He said that he is now looking at their technical team to activate our account. And guess what, I have waited for 10 minutes before I hang up due to the pain on my lower back. The PLDT manager called me after a while and said that there is an issue with activations, so pissed that I just hang up.

PLDT… they will quickly disconnect your service but will wait for customers to beg, BEG, for the service to be restored. They have already manipulated their customers for years! And yet, this is how their service is to the Filipino people. Slow, expensive, irritating, incompetent. Then the only thing they will say to you, “we apologize for any inconvenience…” they will not compensate you for the 1 day loss.

How I wish that there would be another player somewhere who can give us Filipinos better service, something that’s worth the money we pay for. Not just 3MPS of speed but a decent speed. We pay almost P2000 a month for a slow, incompetent, expensive internet.

An open letter to ADN

To whom it may concern,

I was an AlDub fanatic. A die hard fan. WAS. I have stopped watching Kalyeserye for 2 or 3 weeks now. I have been losing appetite for it but what triggered my total surrender was when Divina was flirting with Jake. They lost me there. Yes, I have been telling people from AlDub Nation (ADN) na walang “moving on”o “kalma”. I think it backfired.

Ayaw ko nang manood kasi it seems it lost it’s essence in me. It’s my own point of view. Then, Divina has three (3) conditions for KS-A bago nya sagutin ito. Why would you give conditions para mahalin ang isang tao?! Why!?

These are just two of the reasons why I gave up on AlDub. I know there will be bashers who will say that I am this or that. Pero I would like to say that KS-Alden has given enough to prove his love for Divina who turns out to be a flirt. Then Lola Nidora, out of the three lola’s, got the nerve to do that tirade, blaming the ADN for “rumors” and “assumptions” na si Divina naman ang may gawa in the first place.

I have also observed that a lot of the men who used to be fans are now gone. They’re now back to where they used to be. When KS was never there. Unlike before, even men would be the ones to open the TVs to watch KS. But now, I am not sure they even bother. I know I don’t.

I am not saying that ADN follow me. All I am saying is, I’ve had it. Was just too much a burden to watch them now. But Maine and Alden/RJ is a totally different story. Them, I will hope to end up together. And it’s all I can do. Hope.

Thank you.

Sincerely yours,
Former AlDub fan

Down to my Last

While writing this one, I am listening to Alterbridge’s song, Down To My Last. Why the title? I don’t know. Honestly. I don’t even know why I am writing at 12:24AM, January 6, 2016.

Probably because I feel so empty now. I am burned out. I can’t continue with my projekts. I am so stressed with work. I need more management skills with handling money. My emotions are still fluctuating and I really don’t know how to write it.

By now, the song is Missing by Evanescence. Followed by I Will Run To You by Hillsong.

I have poems, stories and all inside my head but I lack the will to write them down. Could it be that I am already tired of my life? Could it be that my purpose is just to exist and burn out like some fart?

Then again, some farts are still more appreciated than my existence.

I just couldn’t fit these things here now. Come to think of it, it’s my first blog for 2016 and I am so … lost for words and thought.

Am I really lost? Or did I take a wrong turn?

I don’t know.

If i am still lost, then my labors were all in vain.

So what is it now? Which is which? Lost or doped?

I think the question is: am I really lost? Or did I lose it? At least they have different impacts.

Now playing: Be Magnified.

Is this the answer that I looking for? By the way, am I writing a blog or a poem? Argh! I don’t know!

Now playing: Solitaire.

Am I dying? And keeping to himself he plays the game… he’s playing Solitaire.

Am I?

Delayed Gratification: God Gave Me You

Okay, first and foremost I am not sure why I am writing this. I was supposed to write something depressing, about hopelessness, loneliness, madness, bitterness and misery. But I have been affected… by AlDub.

Yes, AlDub. Somehow, it changed my life. I have now learned to love Mondays. I have learned to smile again. A far cry from where I was before. So, enough of all this. I have a reason why my title is the way it is.

Delayed gratification. Wikipedia says “Delayed gratification, or deferred gratification, is the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later reward. Generally, delayed gratification is associated with resisting a smaller but more immediate reward in order to receive a larger or more enduring reward later.”

Delayed gratification is not the suspension or stoppage of gratification but the postponement of it. Because you know that in the long run, you will more, much, much more of what you need and want.

I have to learn that the hard way. Again, enough of me.

AlDub. I was waiting for a bus to take me home from Buendia EDSA when this thought came to me, “What if Alden came just in time for Yaya Dub on her first wedding to Frankie? Ano’ng mga consequences nun? Ano’ng pro’s?” I myself got intrigued by my own question. Ano nga kaya?

I have (carefully) analyzed it while seated in the bus:

  1. Lola Nidora – first and foremost, she would become the “enemy of the state.” Yes, lalabas kasi syang masamang lola who hinders the happiness of others. We would have not learned and heard her precious Words of Wisdom about life, love and others. Wala sanang “Tamang Panahon” ngayon kasi all we would have wanted is for her to suffer. Malamang, marami pang sumpa.
  2. Frankie – of course, part of the Top 10 Most Hated people on earth, as long as AlDub Nation is concerned. That would be though to overcome.
  3. Alden – he would have ended up just acting and playing the part of AlDub. Just that. Acting. Making people feel the “kilig” and the shallowness of it. AlDub will soon be broken. He will just make the ladies feel “used”.
  4. Maine aka Yaya Dub – she might have been partnered with someone else by now. Wala na kasing kilig. She might have been bitter kasi Alden let her fall but was not there to catch her. She may not have lasted long.
  5. Kalyeserye as a whole – just a fab. Fans would have not have reached those records that we, as an AlDub Nation, would’ve attained. No 25.6 million tweets. This would have been just a waste of time and energy. Walang kwentang serye na sabi nga ng kapitbahay, “dumaan lang yan.” Walang saysay at just like the other series sa Pinas, baduy na after a month or so.
  6. AlDub Nation – san na tayo pupulutin? Sa kangkungan. Walang lessons learned, walang happiness, walang McDo na kilalang AlDub meal, walang TNT tvc, walang 555 Sardines, walang O+ — na lahat na-enjoy natin.
  7. Eat Bulaga – balik sa dati. Natatabunan na ng kapitbahay natin kasi may Pasta na sila eh.

Come to think of it, the time that Yaya Dub collapsed and Alden arriving some minutes later was a blessing a disguise. Alden was supposed to grab Yaya Dub at magtatanan na sila. What will that teach our kids? Na okay lang magtanan? That waiting for the right time is no longer warranted? That it is okay for our daughters to settle for a second-best man? I would have had my Unica Hija stopped watching Kalyeserye if that was the case.

By the way, the reason I attached God Gave Me You on the title is I firmly believe that God is writing their story. Imagine if Alden came to grab Yaya Dub. But no, God did not allow something so beautiful to end that way. It has to be grand. It has to be EPIC.

Alden has to learn. He had to be sure of his feelings. He has to cry. Learn that things are not just handed to him, that he has to earn them. Especially Maine’s heart. Hindi pwedeng hinog sa pilit. Hindi pwedeng madaliin ang lahat. Alden is now better from when I saw him before. Hindi na sya takot ilaglag. Nilaglag pa nga nya sarili nya sa Sunday PinaSaya eh. He has grown to be a man.

Maine also grew, and bloomed. She can now somehow control her feelings and her reactions whenever Alden is showing his dimples and all the fansigns. She is now more beautiful and more attractive. Masarap syang tingnan lalo, no malice. Do I need to say more?

I understand how delayed gratification makes one person feel. Deprived. But in the long run, it will be all worth it.

And as Maine once said, “after AlDub, it will be MaiDen.”

Mambo Number 5

I was planning on writing something about AlDub for sometime now, I just got busy and lost time and juice. But now we here.

I’ve checked somethings about their story and I found some resemblance with their story and mine. And no, I am not an Alden Richards look-alike. The only thing we got in common is we’re both male and both started wishing for forever at age 23.

Maine and RJ had a picture from 5 years ago, 2010. They both had relationships when they’re in high school. Now, they’re both single and, from where I’m looking at, they’re both inlove with each other. Aminin man o hindi.

I had my first official girlfriend when I was 23. Third if my high school relationships are to be included. Let’s name her A. I courted her for a month or 2. The ONLY woman I courted and the only one where I faced her whole clan for the first time. Isang compound kasi kaya buong angkan, hindi lang pamilya. Sa bahay talaga nila ako nagpunta isang gabi ng Lunes.

Grabe ang kaba ko nung gabing yun. Upon arriving, I immediately saw a group of men, gathered at their terrace. Gusto ko nang umuwi nung mga sandaling yun. Pero nakita ako mung kapatid nya na kaibigan ko. He escorted me while I was shaking and all.

Background.

Before I even met A, I asked God to give me someone who’s 5″2 tall, can sing at mahaba ang buhok. Then I met her. I used to call her ATE. Then there was this song that she had to guide me on and I stared at her and looked her in the eyes. I got conscious and panicked a bit. I saw her.

Fast forward to the (then) future.

A and I became a couple by November. We broke up after a few months, I went to Mindanao to mourn my grandfather’s death, went back to Laguna and got word that A’s looking for me. I went to their house to pay a visit and we reconciled. Only to break up again after a few months. I then started courting her again. How long? 5 years.

On that 5 long years, she became my everything. My friends admired me at first then started pitying me after some time. They told me to look and find someone else, but I was determined to wait. Sabi nga ni Lola Nidora, “tamang panahon”. But it never came. I got word that A was still inlove with a common friend who’s already married to a common friend. That triggered my bitterness. I immediately stopped communicating with her. Ceased the visits and all. 5 years wasted.

It became my downfall. I got mad at God for giving me false hopes, or did I just created my own horrors? I stopped going to church. I started drinking. Staying up late. Met a textmate whom I developed relationship to. Knowing that she’s married.

Started another relationship with a lady who, after 5 years (again), I have not met and again, our relationship didn’t end as I hoped it would.

Another 5 years wasted.

A total of of 10 years got wasted. I don’t even know if those years were the reason I am who I am right now.

I just hope that this Kalyeserye will bring not only laughter to the 2 main casts, but that they find true happiness with each other.

Godspeed Tisoy and Meng.

dark nights of the soul

How writing keeps my sanity

If not for writing, I might have already lost my sanity a long time ago. I have written poems that speaks of how depressed I was back then. I have written things about how my life was as the prodigal son. I have written and described how I messed my life. Indeed, it was scary and dark and tumultuous times.

I did crazy things back then. And if one ia good at deciphering codes and all, they would find those things on my poems. Some are published (Wattpad, FB, here) some are hidden, some are already part of my personal collections.

Writing allowed me to use and abuse myself and others. It gave me power over their destiny and what have yous. I was able to create characters and was able to justify their existence. I was able to hide behind these characters. I was able to deny things and blame my characters for failures and miseries.

I thank God for letting me write. Since I cannot draw, writing is most accessible for me.

For now, I am still into writing. Trying to finish Anino while working at three more stories.

Hopefully, I would be able to finish them in time.