What A Wonderful Life

I remember my Inay, or grandmother, before she passed. I sang her this song, and I couldn’t help but cry. Until now.

Close your eyes
And just hear me sing
One last long goodbye
One last song before you spread your wings

I was so distraught that day that I even cried while at the office. I had to work. But I don’t know why I was there knowing that I really cannot focus and my peers doesn’t seem to care.

There’s so much left to say
And before this moment slips away

I even yelled at my daughter because I cannot think straight. She just wants to eat at McDonald’s which was just in front of us. My wife decided to just take the kids home and let me be. I was so in pain. I couldn’t stop my tears.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

When that week ended, we went to Batangas for the wake. We remembered the good times we had with Inay. We remembered how she scolds us and teaches us and shows us her love.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

On the day of her burial, it was raining. I was one of the people who carried her coffin. Me and my brother. My family was back in the bus, because we don’t have an umbrella with us that day.

And soon you will be gone
But these words, they will live on

After we got her buried, we went home. I felt empty. Now, it will be seven years since she passed. 2011 has passed. I still feel the deep pain. Pain caused by death. It also gave birth to my first tattoo.

All that I am
You let me be
I will remember you
For all that you’ve done
And given to me

Love will remain
This I can see
Now and forever more
Because of you
Now I believe
I believe

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I loved you so

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I’ll miss you so

And though our days come to an end
No, I’ll never love like this again
What a wonderful life
A wonderful life
What a wonderful life
What a wonderful life

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Moving on means we have to continue living despite the pain and hurt and all those things. We move forward with these memories in us. We cherish it. We feel it. What a wonderful life.

Thank you Alter Bridge for this song.

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Following God’s Will

What does it take to follow God’s will?

In Jonah 1:3, it says that

But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

Jonah TRIED running away from God’s order. He was supposed to go to Nineveh where he is set to proclaim God’s words.

Now, on a personal level, how to I follow God’s will?

I have seen tons of how to’s on this subject and I really don’t have the guts to say that “this is how you follow God’s will” video.

As of the moment, all I want is to hear God’s voice telling me what He wants me to do.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

John 10:27

I do not want to run away again from God’s will. I have already done that before. Not once.

I do not want to lose the presence of God in my life just because my pride got hurt a bit. I am more “educated” now than before. I have more to lose now. People have already trusted me. I do not want to be watching again from afar.

God has already laid out His plan, promises, and all.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 1:20

God knows what is best.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

No. I am not letting go this time.

 

Jesus At The Center

It’s rare that I write 2 succeeding blogs in 1 day, let alone 1 month. But after writing what I wrote earlier lambasting and ranting about age and leadership, I have now calmed down. Plus a shot of Korean wine and coffee helped. Not sure how but it gave me headache.

Seriously though, I led the Praise and Worship earlier today, January 28, 2018, and our last song was, guess it… Yes, JESUS AT THE CENTER by Israel & New Breed.

I was able to think clearly after 2 large cups of coffee and a shot of alcohol and it made me realized something. Is Jesus at my center?

Part of the song says:

Nothing else matters,

nothing in this world will do.

Jesus You’re the center,

and everything revolves around you.

While writing this blog, I am playing in constant repetition the 2 versions of the song.

Jesus be the center of my life,

Jesus be the center of my life

From beginning to the end

It will always be,

It’s always been You Jesus

I know I’ve made a mistake of taking things and turn it into one big mess but, I guess the good thing about it is, me – questioning my own faith and where it’s foundation is laid. I started checking my heart and praying to God to correct my feelings. I asked one Pastor to pray for me because, at the end of the day, I know it is my pride that is hurting more than anything. I just hope I am not too late.

From my heart to heavens

Jesus be the center,

It’s all about You,

Yes it’s all about You

I asked God for forgiveness. I asked Him to give me a servant’s heart. I asked God for help.

Jesus, be the center of my everything.

San Antonio Spurs

2 wins. 4 losses.

The San Antonio Spurs lost to the OKC Thunder in Game 6 of the 2016 NBA Playoffs. Heartbreaking. Again. I still recall how we lost the 2013 NBA Championships back then against the Miami Heat. 2012 we lost against the OKC Thunder too. Then we lost to the LA Clippers last year. I thought this will be OUR YEAR for the 6th NBA Championship Ring… but no.

Destiny has other plans for us, for our team. Aldridge is here, Kawhi is still young, Danny Green can still improve but Manu and Timmy might not be back again next year. The GSW will still brag about being the might-be-Champions. I hope they lose against the Cavs. I hope the Thunder lose against the GSW. I hope… I hope TD, Manu and TP can still one more ring. Together.

I am angry at the results of the Philippine Vice President results. I am so darn tired of my work. I hate traveling back and forth from the house to the office every night. Then I came home with the OKC on a 20+ points lead against my SAS!? Where is justice in there?!

Forgive me for my rants. I am a BIG San Antonio Spurs fan. I wrote this article back in 2013 with tears and I am really heartbroken. Now, I am writing this piece with another heartache and tears, and with Jack Daniels. I can’t believe they lost just like that. It’s really hard for me to swallow this loss. 2013 was a heartbreaking loss… and then this one.

Part to blame are the NBA Referees who are not calling the needed calls and making the calls on miscues. But as irritating as it may, SAS never put the blame on them. There was even a scene where Kawhi questioned a ref’s call! KAWHI QUESTIONED A REF! How often do we see Kawhi question a call?

TD, TP and Manu might not come back next year. Age has caught up. Fathertime won’t and can’t be denied anymore. We need young ones to carry the tradition and the torch. We need Danny Green to improve more and more. Kawhi Leonard to be fiercer and be more than what he is now. We need to have LaMarcus Aldridge develop into the player that he is needed to be, tough.

I am still and will always be a San Antonio Spurs fan. Win or lose. My loyalty is theirs alone. SAS wins with grace, and losses with class and dignity.

to Tim Duncan (21), Tony Parker (9) and Manu Ginobili (20), if this should be your last, SALAMAT NG MARAMI.

To my Princess Mikaela Eunice;

I am hoping that someday, when you are all grown up you would be able to read this letter. I wrote this because I almost cried when your mother told me what you told her. “Baby pa ako iniwan ako ni Tatay kasi bad ako. Kulit kulit Tatay.” It hurts to read this message because it resonates my pains and my shortcomings in being your father.

  • First of all, you are not a bad girl. You are just a regular girl growing up and having her own thing. You are just 5 years old, what do you want me to expect from you? I have high hopes but I will not push you to achieve them.
  • Second, I want to assure you kiddo, I NEVER LEFT YOU. I had to leave you and your mom for some time. But I always made sure to have you whenever I can. I am not sure where you got that but I assure you, I never left you.
  • Third, you will always be my Princess and I will always be your father. No matter what happens, this will be always be the truth.

I know I made a mistake before of not being there when you were born. I only saw you when you were already 2 months old. And by that time, you are already big. You looked like a 5 month old baby. The first time I saw you, I almost sank to the ground. I was so ashamed that I was never there when you were born. That might be the reason why I have been trying to always be there for you. Eveytime you throw your tantrums, I try to be there for you. I try to calm you down, and it somehow works. When you are crying because of pain, whenever you are sick, I just pray that it was me instead of you. I can’t bear you hurting because you are my Princess. You are my daughter. You are me.

That is also one of the reasons why I treat you differently. Because you’re my only daughter and you have 2 brothers and me and your mother to always be on the look-out. I want you to grow up without any self-doubts, if that is possible. I have a lot of things I want for you. I really hope God will always be on your side.

We have a lot of good time together and we have both enjoyed them. You always were beside me whenever we sleep at night. I was the happiest man when you graduated. When you danced in public, I was your biggest fan. I was the one who was very much proud of your big accomplishments. I am not acting as a father, I AM A FATHER. A father to you, to Lukas and now, Zakarias. You guys are mine. I want you to know how much you mean to me.

 

MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA.

Sometimes He Comes In The Clouds

These are the places I was so sure I’d find him
I looked in the pages and I looked down on my knees
I lifted my eyes in expectation
To see the sun still refusing to shine, But

Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face can not be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and gray
But some things can only be known
And sometimes are faith can only grow
When we can’t see
So sometimes he comes in the clouds

Sometimes I see me, a sailor out on the ocean
So brave and so sure, as long as the skies are clear
But when the clouds to gather
I watch my faith turn to fear, But…

Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face can not be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and gray
But some things can only be known
And sometimes are faith can only grow
When we can’t see
So sometimes he comes in the clouds

Sometimes he comes in the rain
And we question the pain
And wonder why God can seem so far away
But time will show us, he was right there with us, and

Sometimes He comes in the clouds
Sometimes His face can not be found
Sometimes the sky is dark and gray
But some things can only be known
And sometimes are faith can only grow
When we can’t see
So sometimes he comes in the clouds

songs that helped me get through my darkest moments

i am a music lover ever since i am a kid. i have been listening to a lot of music because my mother also loves listening to music as well as my father. i have been part of the Worship team from my former church where i learned to play musical instruments, and i also learned how to sing.

there were times in my life that i had to go through some dark moments and last September 2011 was the worst by far… the death of my lola.