What A Wonderful Life

I remember my Inay, or grandmother, before she passed. I sang her this song, and I couldn’t help but cry. Until now.

Close your eyes
And just hear me sing
One last long goodbye
One last song before you spread your wings

I was so distraught that day that I even cried while at the office. I had to work. But I don’t know why I was there knowing that I really cannot focus and my peers doesn’t seem to care.

There’s so much left to say
And before this moment slips away

I even yelled at my daughter because I cannot think straight. She just wants to eat at McDonald’s which was just in front of us. My wife decided to just take the kids home and let me be. I was so in pain. I couldn’t stop my tears.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

When that week ended, we went to Batangas for the wake. We remembered the good times we had with Inay. We remembered how she scolds us and teaches us and shows us her love.

The cold night calls
And the tears fall like rain
It’s so hard letting go
Of the one thing I’ll never replace

On the day of her burial, it was raining. I was one of the people who carried her coffin. Me and my brother. My family was back in the bus, because we don’t have an umbrella with us that day.

And soon you will be gone
But these words, they will live on

After we got her buried, we went home. I felt empty. Now, it will be seven years since she passed. 2011 has passed. I still feel the deep pain. Pain caused by death. It also gave birth to my first tattoo.

All that I am
You let me be
I will remember you
For all that you’ve done
And given to me

Love will remain
This I can see
Now and forever more
Because of you
Now I believe
I believe

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I loved you so

What a wonderful life
For as long as you’ve been at my side
And I want you to know
I’ll miss you so

And though our days come to an end
No, I’ll never love like this again
What a wonderful life
A wonderful life
What a wonderful life
What a wonderful life

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting the past. Moving on means we have to continue living despite the pain and hurt and all those things. We move forward with these memories in us. We cherish it. We feel it. What a wonderful life.

Thank you Alter Bridge for this song.

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Following God’s Will

What does it take to follow God’s will?

In Jonah 1:3, it says that

But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.

Jonah TRIED running away from God’s order. He was supposed to go to Nineveh where he is set to proclaim God’s words.

Now, on a personal level, how to I follow God’s will?

I have seen tons of how to’s on this subject and I really don’t have the guts to say that “this is how you follow God’s will” video.

As of the moment, all I want is to hear God’s voice telling me what He wants me to do.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.

John 10:27

I do not want to run away again from God’s will. I have already done that before. Not once.

I do not want to lose the presence of God in my life just because my pride got hurt a bit. I am more “educated” now than before. I have more to lose now. People have already trusted me. I do not want to be watching again from afar.

God has already laid out His plan, promises, and all.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.

2 Corinthians 1:20

God knows what is best.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

No. I am not letting go this time.

 

Jesus At The Center

It’s rare that I write 2 succeeding blogs in 1 day, let alone 1 month. But after writing what I wrote earlier lambasting and ranting about age and leadership, I have now calmed down. Plus a shot of Korean wine and coffee helped. Not sure how but it gave me headache.

Seriously though, I led the Praise and Worship earlier today, January 28, 2018, and our last song was, guess it… Yes, JESUS AT THE CENTER by Israel & New Breed.

I was able to think clearly after 2 large cups of coffee and a shot of alcohol and it made me realized something. Is Jesus at my center?

Part of the song says:

Nothing else matters,

nothing in this world will do.

Jesus You’re the center,

and everything revolves around you.

While writing this blog, I am playing in constant repetition the 2 versions of the song.

Jesus be the center of my life,

Jesus be the center of my life

From beginning to the end

It will always be,

It’s always been You Jesus

I know I’ve made a mistake of taking things and turn it into one big mess but, I guess the good thing about it is, me – questioning my own faith and where it’s foundation is laid. I started checking my heart and praying to God to correct my feelings. I asked one Pastor to pray for me because, at the end of the day, I know it is my pride that is hurting more than anything. I just hope I am not too late.

From my heart to heavens

Jesus be the center,

It’s all about You,

Yes it’s all about You

I asked God for forgiveness. I asked Him to give me a servant’s heart. I asked God for help.

Jesus, be the center of my everything.

Age and Leadership

Is age a criteria for leading a team? Do I have to question someone just because of his or her age? I don’t think so. But, if someone higher than you makes it seem that you’re no longer qualified because of your age, then there is a problem.

I have had a history with leaders who looks at me and thinks they’re better than me. Good leaders don’t think their people isn’t qualified just because of age. But heck, do I have to care? I will just lay low, and quit the team.

Surviving The Night

Thoughts of suicide creeps in. I had to stop listening to Linkin Park for the night because I am getting scared of the images flashing inside head. Scenes of where I am seated beside our double deck bed, where I am strangled. In between my 2 boys and my wife and daughter. 

No. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. I know the negative impact it will have on my family. The trauma it will cause my kids. The blame. The questions that will never be answered.

I also happen to know that heaven will not and will never accept suicides. There are things that I need answers that I can only ask God once I am in heaven.

So I sat, prayed. Surrendered every thoughts running in my head and decided to write it down. I also replaced the songs with worship songs to somehow, remind and enforce to me that God is still in control.

No. It will never happen because I am a child of God. 

Help Wanted:

I don’t know what to say. I need roughly Php 30000.00 for my 2 kids’ education. The amount is just for the enrollment. It does not cover the full amount of the tuition fee for the year, and the balance that we still owe one school.

My eldest kid, Kae, has ADHD so she  requires Special Education. It is not cheap. The school that we once inquired to has a tuition fee amounting to almost P130K a year! Thank God we found a school that somehow, Kae learned to read and write. Although she still struggles at times, she was able to learn. But now, her education is currently unsure. We are asked to pay the full balance for last year amounting to P20K which I don’t have.

My 2nd kid, Kas, is an incoming Grade 2 student. Kas and Kae have 2 different schools because we were unable to pay his full balance. He is still struggling with his studies but I know he is a smart boy.

We tried to make both ends meet last year. I was working and the pay isn’t that good. Then, mid-August I quit work to put up my own business which is what we have now. But we’re just starting up. I am not sure how we can pay. All I know as of the moment is God is in control and He can give me the amount we badly needed.

I also know that God will and can use people to fulfill what is needed. I just have to trust His wisdom.

Kae doesn’t want to stay in Samar where my family is right now because of the vacation. Kar wants to stay and study there but I don’t want to. I am praying that God will give us the necessary amount so we can have our kids enrolled this school year. I can’t even start a GoFundMe because I am not in the US or other countries that it exists.

By the way, Kae’s therapy has also been stopped because of lack of fund. Php 12/month is not easy on the pocket.

IF you want to help me with this, my account info (last time I checked, this is still active):

Bank name: METROBANK

Account name: RIESNEL N. GABION

Account number: 355-3-355-63376-5

Or using PayPal.Me link: https://www.paypal.me/GabNarazo

Palawan Trip

Palawan Trip

Palawan is one if not the best Island in the world. It first became the most beautiful island in the world last 2015. Then it became the most beautiful island in the world last 2016. I never really considered myself a traveler. But thinking about it I have already been to some places here in the Philippines. For example in Laguna alone I have already been to towns namely, Liliw, Nagcarlan, Sta. Cruz, Calauan. To name a few. I have been to BatangasTanauan, Nasugbu, Lian, Balayan, Sto. Tomas. To Quezon province – Lucena, Mulanay, Macalelon, Catanuan. I have been to Rizal province – Taytay, Antipolo. Been to Cavite – Tagaytay, Bailen. I have also been to Cebu, Leyte, Northern Samar, Pampanga, Pangasinan, Baguio, parts of La Union and Bulacan.

Last April 10th to the 17th, 2017 though, I had a pleasure of being able to travel to Palawan and marvel at how God made this province. Palawan is a gem. It has been voted as the most beautiful island in the world for years – 2013, 2016. Palawan has some of the most finest sands in the world. It has white beaches that can rival Boracay. Palawan has El Nido, Coron and Puerto Princesa – just to name a few.

On our first day in Palawan we went to Honda Bay for 3 island hopping activities. We went to starfish Island then to Luli Island then to Cowrie Island. Each island has its own to offer. Then for the first night we had to tricycles to bring us to fireflies Farm. Weaver told of how fireflies benefit our environment and how fireflies are indicator of a healthy environment.

Palawan also has one of the Seven Wonders of the World which is the Subterranean River. This is where we went for our second day. It took us roughly  3 hours  to get there. When we got to the Subterranean River it was magnificently awesome. The river has 12 kilometers total, but only 1.5 kilometers is allowed for visitors. The rest is for researchers from Italy. We have been told that the river is cold but we are advised not to dip our hands because the fish might bite our hands or fingers. Subterranean River also boasts some of the best stalactites and stalagmites that you will ever see.

We also went to El Nido and we stayed at a hotel whom I will not name. My personal experience with El Nido is a satisfying one. Although I have issues with Wi-Fi and the water pressure which seems to be an island issue, I still would say that I am happy with El Nido. El Nido has a lot of different islands that you can visit and that you can explore. you can also go snorkeling, deep-diving and a whole lot more. Just be sure to wear a rash guard so that you will not get sunburned. There is also some in Island activities in El Nido. We have been told that we can go rappelling, rock climbing and other stuff. But we were unable to do any of the in Island activities.

After the El Nido activities we went back to Puerto Princesa for our last day which includes City tour. It is where tourists go within Puerto Princesa City. We went to Butterfly farm where we saw different species of butterflies and other places that I have already forgotten. After eating our lunch at Nicnocs, we headed back to the hotel to finally get ready for our flight to Manila.

I miss Palawan.