The Fallen Angel

Believer; husband; father of 2 wonderful kids [soon to be 3]; founder of [soulprojekt]; artist

Graced by the Lord Almighty to stumble and fall and experience firsthand how it is to feel hurt and pain. Though still at the crossroads of faith, God has been teaching me to continuously walk forward.

I work in a call center here in Quezon City. I have been part of a worship team, theater group, and bands. I play drums, keyboards, sing, act on stage and write poems. My poetry progressed from mere love stories to the dark side of my own experience.

Arnold Pasamba is one the few people I confined with what i had gone through. He led me to discover books written by Philip Yancey. There i discovered What’s So Amazing About Grace? My friendship with Arnold taught me things and philosophies that enlightened me.

Adrian Pantonial from Victory Metro East also became instrumental with my “recovery period” so to say. He somehow guided me to be more in-touch with reality.

I write not because it is my passion. It’s not because I earn money through writing, though I hope it might. Why do I write? Back in late 1990’s, I was into a relationship with this lady when I wrote my first poem. And my writing began. Come year 2000 or so, I started my journey towards my “crossroads of faith”. It was not like my choice, more like the circumstances that happened made me walk that path. From that point on, my sleeping habit changed, that affected my writing more. I normally sleep at 3am and my writing become darker and darker, then I was already praying for death to come my way. I was feeling useless, faithless, hopeless.

Why “Ballad of the Fallen Angel”?

Anime

I am a big fan of Animes. I have at least 7 favorite animes. There’s Slamdunk, Basilisk, Trigun, One Piece, Full Metal Alchemist, Bleach and Cowboy Bebop.

It was in Cowboy Bebop that I encountered an episode entitled, “Ballad of Fallen Angels”. The title caught my attention and caught me off-guard. Although the story was different from my personal experience, I believed that I have fallen from my target. I used to be a worship leader, and I have fallen. From that concept, I adopted the Ballad of the Fallen Angel. And I used that theme and I have written several poems with that theme.

Reading

i am a wide reader. i have books collected throughout the years and some magazines and some comics. the books i have collected are inspirational books by Philip Yancey and Chuch Swindoll. i also have books from Leo Tolstoy and Fyodor Dostoevsky. i also have dreamed of writing a story of my own and as of the moment, i am now writing a story which i hope, i can finish sooner. it has the dark theme.

Music

Along with the Ballad, are the songs that I love. Songs that has themes of misery, hurt, pain and darkness within. Songs like My Immortal from Evanescence that speaks of “when you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears, when you’d scream I’d fight away all of your fears, and I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have… All of me.” Also, one of the reasons why I began to love this song so much is it helped me find an answer to one of my questions. The first part says “I’m so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears.” That “childish fears” is another story.

Writing kept me alive. Writing kept me from falling into insanity.
I am dedicated to the Lord Jesus Christ, Who brought me out of the darkness and into His light, and Who is the example of someone who wasn’t afraid to hang out with society’s “undesirables” in order to show them The Way, The Truth, and The Life.”     (old  Christian Goth saying)
 
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4 thoughts on “The Fallen Angel

  1. Hey Neil! Thank you mentioning me on this page and even adding a link to my blog. Nakakataba ng puso when someone appreciates the way we live out our faith. I am humbled and can only boast on the grace of God in my life.

    May God bless you and your family abundantly so you can continue to overflow, sharing your life and your blessings with those around you!

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